After so much walking, and so little action, we decided to get comfy in our room to save up our energy for the next day. The doctor and nurses started visiting with us about inducing. We all agreed we would wait to see what the rest of the night had in store and regroup in the morning.
The next thing I knew, I woke up to the sun and no contractions. I have heard lots of yucky things about induction; how it sometimes doesn’t work pushing you a step closer to a c-section and how rough it is on your body taking it from what seems zero to 100 in such a short time period. Already having one vaginal delivery under my belt, I hadn’t considered the possibility of things not happening naturally, needing pitocin, and potentially ending with a c-section. Knowing that induction would be my path, I prayed and began to shape my mind positively around this. I lived in what seemed like constant prayer for the next few hours asking for the healthy, safe arrival of my baby; the delivery I wanted; to be surrounded by the best caregivers possible; and thanks for a healthy and lively pregnancy and growing baby. I told myself all would be as it should be and I would handle anything given to me as long as I had a healthy baby on my chest at the end of this journey. But, as I imagine most women do, I wanted to push this baby out of me.
About 6:30 am, I asked to have my epidural before the pitocin started. Once all of the needles were in and the medicine hooked up, we were ready to rock and roll by 7:30 am. I continued to be so nervous about the pitocin working. I knew there was a chance it wouldn’t and I watched my contractions on the monitor like a hawk. Every 30 minutes, our awesome nurse would pop in to check things and gradually increase the amount of pitocin I was receiving. Still, nothing was happening. With every visit from her, my natural reaction was to get more and more nervous. Our nurse assured me that sometimes it takes a bit for things to get going, even with pitocin, and I shouldn’t worry. I continued to be hopeful that I’d get to have this nugget vaginally while at the same time trusting that things would go as planned.
Finally, nearly four hours later, there was movement in the contractions. They started to get more regular and stronger. Once things started to move, they moved quick. The nurses had waited to check me until they saw these stronger, consistent contractions, and when they did, I was a 5. Tears streamed down my face because it was hope that my body was working and moving us closer to delivering this boy. A bit later I was an eight. Just like with Big Brother N, I started to feel contractions towards the end of labor, and I took this as a sign we were close. Fifteen minutes after that I was ready to go.
From this point, things happened so fast. The delivery team was ready in another room expecting a mom would be delivering before me and they were called out to our room. They moved in and set up in what seemed like two minutes. I was now ready to push.
Somehow, I remembered how it felt to bare down from Big Brother N’s birth. I gave one huge push and they said he was making his way out great. We regrouped and they coached me to push again. I grabbed everything in me and gave a big push. Everyone started shouting for me to stop pushing; Little Brother N was sliding his way out on his own. Within seconds, he was on my chest in just two pushes. Things had happened just as they should, and I was grateful.
In one moment, the feeling of love and awe I felt when I laid eyes on Big Brother N washed over me again in equal measure. Any fears of this moment feeling different were gone instantly. This boy was meant, and perfectly made, for us.
Although healthy with Apgar scores of 10, our new baby was little, at least for us. Just 6 lbs 3 oz and 19 ½ inches long, he’s likely the smallest baby I’ve ever held. The medical staff assured us he was perfectly healthy for a 38-week baby and just seemed small because of our experience with our first.
I soaked in these moments with my new baby, looking deep into his eyes and loving every minute of our first skin-to-skin. Within an hour, I began to anxiously await the arrival of Big Brother N. I wanted all of my family within arm’s reach and couldn’t wait to see these two look at each other. The next hours with the four of us, and as our parents joined us, were precious and will always be some of my favorite. For the second time, our life was instantly fuller and our hearts bigger.
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