It happened. I finally had to pick. I had to make that age old parenting choice between my emotional comfort and Kiddo A’s next big thing.
I am at the crossroads of a new preschool and our familiar early childhood learning center; staring down the road of my little boy’s destiny. Do I cheer as he spreads his wings, or protectively insist that he stay in his safe cocoon one more year?
This is one of the toughest choices I’ve had to make with Daddy D. It’s difficult because I’m his mom, taking action without the ability to predict the future. This particular decision came much sooner than I expected and I can’t shake the burning in the pit of my stomach.
In my head I know that parenting is filled with change and letting go. But, I feel unprepared and unready. I’m scared and my heart is heavy.
I’m grieving him, the boy who made me a mom. The 7lb 11oz newborn whose smell made me high. The toddler who unveiled the face of unconditional love and the snuggle monster who adored his mama, first. He still begs for my attention but I know that will disappear as quickly as the past four years. So, now it’s time to turn the page to a new chapter.
As I clutch that book of life with anticipation, I start my mommy wishes. May he always feel my support and never realize my internal struggle. May he always know that I want the very best for him and never learn of my selfish emotions. May he…
…be treated with love and kindness
…feel valued and safe
…discover the right skills
…embrace this change
He is capable and ready which makes me proud. He will blossom and grow which gives me strength. He will acquire life lessons and learn limits which helps me to let him take this next step.
I loosen my grip, a little, and pray with all my might. I choke down my fears and watch him move forward. I take a deep breath and encourage him to thrive.
His first day is tomorrow.
I choose to let him go.
Photos by the talented Sommer Grogan at BOKA Images
Be sure to check out these Jelly Bean Journals posts, too!