N is becoming a major daddy’s boy. He stands at the door and waits as soon as he sees his headlights. He spends what seems like hours walking in and out and around his legs. He lights up when Seano walks in. He wants daddy to hold him. He wants to wrestle and play with flashlights and tools. When leaving the house and choosing between one of our cars, he wants to go with daddy. The list goes on and on.
I sit back and watch as he becomes more interested and engaged in what his dad is doing. I feel so excited for Seano. Seano has an amazing and wonderful relationship with his father, Sean. In my opinion, it is a near perfect example of what a relationship between a father and son should look like. While Seano was growing up, Sean was his parent but they still enjoyed spending time together. Now as adults, they are simply great friends, still share a special bond, and Sean has become one of Seano’s greatest resources and confidants. I am excited to watch a similar relationship blossom between my husband and son. It makes my heart warm.
I know, probably like any father and son, N and Seano will experience trials and tribulation throughout their lifetime. N will defy our rules and test us. We will place boundaries that he disagrees with and, at times, he will disappoint us. But one of my deepest hopes is that when all of the raising, guiding and teaching is done, they can find a friendship that lasts their lifetimes and is a safety net for N to always fall back on. In my experience, at the end of the day, family never fails you. I want this to be N’s experience as well.
The moment I laid eyes on N, I immediately had a connection with him. I don’t know if it was because I had been growing him for nine months, if it was a motherly instinct, or something else. I just know the second I saw him that I would do anything for him; that I had never known a love like I felt in that moment; and that it was my job to keep him safe. My bond quickly and deeply grew as I nursed him and cared for him during his first weeks on the outside.
I’m confident Seano loved him with all of his heart from that first moment also but it took longer for their bond to grow. I have heard people say that a mother’s bond with their child grows from the moment they find out they are pregnant where a father’s begins when they meet their little one. It’s almost like, as moms, we are nine months ahead.
In the first months, between sleeping and nursing, N spent most of his time on my chest. Seano was and is an amazing partner and he took on lots of extra responsibility but much of N’s time was just spent with me. While I took on N, Seano took on more house and life work. Now that I’m not nursing and N isn’t so dependent on me, we are able to split house and life work more evenly, freeing more time for Seano and lil man to spend together. Seano is not shy to say he enjoys this stage more as N can walk and run, communicate better, and play.
As N becomes more independent and is making choices, he is choosing dad. When he wakes up in the morning, his first word is no longer always momma and if I am the one to get him up he wants to physically lay eyes on his dad before we do anything else. As I have described above, I find this adorable and wonderful. But it does hurt my heart a little. It is the first sign that I will not always be his best friend or his first choice.
There are times where he still wants me, like when he is sleepy or hurt, and we still have a ball playing together but I can see the way he is starting to see his dad. As Seano goes about his daily tasks and “big boy” stuff, it is almost like N is in awe. He is constantly watching, learning and absorbing. I also tend to be more protective and safe while Seano is more daring and, probably in N’s eyes, fun. When I throw him in the air, he hardly leaves my arms. When Seano throws him, he seems to almost hit the peak in our vaulted ceiling.
No wonder engaged fathers have such an influence on their children. After seeing this bond grow in this short amount of time, I’m starting to understand just how important it is. Can’t wait to update you on this ever-growing bond!